RelationShiTs -by an engineer

This one is of the most touchy topics and it remains so, for our whole lives. It mostly comes out when you turn 30 and plan on getting married (in some cases, not even then). The Telecomm companies, however deep in shit they may be right now, realised the power of girlfriends a long time back, so have always had this “special night calling plan” that at some unfortunate point in our lives (engineers least, and BSc. grads most) we have had on our Sim cards.

Yes, so I’m going to talk about girlfriends today, in my case the lack thereof. By the way, I’m sigle and ready to mingle right now, but that’s not the point, that’s just for the females who somehow, and I don’t know how, liked my pic, and assume that I’m good looking. For them ill say, “Trust me, girls with faces like yours don't go out with guys with wallets like mine”(Let me clarify that on popular demand: ur pretty n im poor  :P  :P)

Okay, so the ill trained engineer in me says, I should start from the basics, so I say the standard relationship (relation-SHIT, as I like to call it sometimes, intentionally) is divided into four phases. The wooing (never my cup of tea, given that I’m not exactly the mirror shattering supremely gorgeous kind of a man), the courtship (the part I never reach to, obviously, duhh), the bullshit(the phase I would love to describe, as I’v seen many many a men, dig deep in it) and the ever so filmy breakup(wait till I get to that one).

Act One: The Wooing

Boy sees girl. There is this spotlight on her. God would have made her in the choicest of his moods. She always hangs out with her ugly friends, intentional or not, it does the job (no double meanings, okay?). Jessica Alba would get inferiority complex looking at her Fb profile pic, imagine what effect it would've had on the guys of the campus. Oh!, and i almost forgot, revelling in the girls glory, Girl Never ever sees boy. I mean NEVER EVER. Why should she? Is the boy an SRK Duplicate? or in today’s world, Ranbir Uncle’s?? No, so why on earth would he stand out in the crowd? He would get a 2 on 100.

Okay, so, finally, 4 months after the boy sees the girl, the girl sees the boy, irks in disbelief over his weird hairstyle and beard and says to herself, “Viola, I’v found the safe guy I’ve been longing for. Thank u Gawd!” The guy on the other hand has already thought of the names of the children he is going to father with her, if he has the capability to do so, that is.

She then befriends him, much to his disbelief. He knows all he has is a hint of humour in him as his only weapon to conquer the kingdoms of estrogen and progesterone, which he believed till now had been hidden on some secret island in the Bermuda Triangle. Anyway, he hi fives himself when he gets the notification “ABC has accepted your friend request.” His friend list moves to 243, hers to 1243.

Act Two: The courtship

The girl finally breaks up with her boyfriend of a year and a half, and cries all over our guys shoulders over the spilt milk (if Nargis Fakhri can land Rockstar, can’t I use a phrase out of my class 5 English teacher’s workbook?). The guy works very hard to cheer her up, filling in the voids of her life, as if they were the sites of meteorite crashes. 3 months hence they start going out. The oh so lovely couple plan a future together, when they ruin each other’s present, by dining in expensive restaurants at Khan Market, where the coffee is more expensive than a foot long sub combo meal at Subway. Cut to the chase, they can’t get enough of each other (don’t take it literally, it’s metaphorical). They bunk classes, watch movies in halls that would have the least possible audience, bribe the official, get the corner seats, only to find, a single short bald, fat uncle sitting next to them. They hug each other in the metro, as if it’s too crowded for comfort, but in reality, the guy is just creating a 1km periphery around his girl, to mark his territory. All is hunky dory, till the inevitable happens one day.

To….Be….. Continued  Here